The worst part about liking classical music is when you forget the name of a piece and you can’t google the lyrics because there are none
why couldn’t i be born with an older brother who is my best friend and has hot friends that flirt with me and drives me places like mcdonalds when im sad and punches rude boys in the face for me.
My brother once sat on me and farted until I passed out
my brother duct taped me to a treadmill and turned it to the highest setting once
when I was four my brother locked me in a ferret cage for an hour on Christmas Eve
Who the hell invented the word “smexy” and what the fuck does the letter m in it even stand for
wow my parents better thank me that i’m addicted to tv shows and movies not drugs and alcohol
i can’t even pick my favorite song what makes you think i can pick a college
attention str8 boys: you can suck another dudes dick and as long as you say “april fools” it won’t count
not being able jack off because you’d be touching a dick and that’s gay
transfer 500,000 dollars into my bank account as a form of a light hearted prank
coca-cola can pull blood stains out of clothing. it can clean the engine block of a car. it can remove toilette bowl stains. aaaaand it is similar to the composition of battery acid
and yall fuckers drink this shit?
look at this cool guy. mister clean colon. thinkin he the shit cus he gonna live longer than the coke drinking master race„ go drink some water you fuckin lactose loving hippie
I hate when people say “I love your tumblr but can you post less of-” like no bitch this aint build-a-blog
"you have an essay due monday"
"you need to go outside and be a valued member of society"
"get off the computer, it’s 2 in the morning"
"they’re just fictional characters"
do you ever have a plan for the day and suddenly it’s 4pm and you’ve achieved literally nothing
losing an argument when you are right just because the other person is too stupid to understand what you’re saying is probably one of the most infuriating things in the entire universe